In This Third Garden

In this third Garden

In this third Garden,
this fierce, unarbored waste
built from shade and flame,
we wander, twice-damned souls
—you and I, as if in
elemental fields—
in these windswept robes,
our damnable love bound
in parched, spiralled cloth,
we try God’s mean justice,
thinking our salvation
the fields of Heaven,
not the rot of Hell.
If His rule is true, our
wind-whirled lovers pose
mocks Love’s simplest soft touch;
if not, He mocks our pure
intent with sorrow.
If Charon allowed
for our separate paths
through space and time, would
we grasp at chance like blind
children? Or would we stay
entwined, old habits
seizing our souls like
doves pierce upon a spit?


©1975, me

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Eulogy for the Wee Folk

In your simplest veil
or your jeans and twilight eyes,
succumb to the slow swirl
of the autumn stream.
Your feet mark a path
down the bank,
through the trees
as a dry rustle,
a distant pyre crackling.

Bathe in your wedding gown,
baptize and consecrate yourself
in the waters.
You filter dusk
from the dark creek bed,
waters filtered clear
through your ornamental lace
reflective of daylight,
inlaid with the heavens.

Up the bank, beyond the trees,
your friends yearn to see you,
the wee folk in your fairy court.
Their harp strings lie silent now.

The butterfly flees
through the bone-white grasses of the field.
The yellow rose inebriates the air
only at night.
“We two shall meet… shall meet…,”
the coarse voice of a peacock
trailing its elusive hues in the evening sun
when the nut-brown girl smiles
with the sunset shining in her eyes.

© 1978, me (in memoriam to a friend (September 29, 1958, to October 9, 1978))

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Gutta Serena: Man in Repose

The man with cold sockets and empty eyes is crouched, his backbone snapping terse remarks…

The man with cold sockets and empty eyes
is crouched, his backbone snapping terse remarks
in mocking praise of his hard-bought old age.
The empty man with wrinkled lips and fixed
eyes staring through the limpid rain-washed glass,
is clutched by molded plastic from below,
nestling blackened fingernails amongst
his hound’s forgotten hairs and grimy bones.
His room is not a room but brutal thoughts
from distant places drawn to cuddle him
until his heart stops stirring memory.
He waits and watches past persistencies…

“I see past scenes congealed in liquid time:
in our old home, my father rules the world
and lets glimpses of my past appear and
freeze me; it is as always—hate between
the two of us—he is lord over what
is real, criticizing my wish to be
more than a clutter of old flickerings—
his stark and sinister repose at home,
voiceless thoughts in water-streaming walls,
a nest-like kapok couch, and sand-drip lamps.”

“The somber grasp of mildewed cloth is still
within my mind, replete with lace. Its clutch
is cold, dusty with old suns, wet with light
refracted through the rains. Translucent skins
stretched on wooden frames for eyes; each night is
searched for hopeful escape from crazing fear
and constant change. My patron’s muttering maw,
lips—spitting words and smoke through a cigar,
grinning, pointed, rotten teeth—contort to
tell stories I never wanted known …”

“‘Your birth occurred three times, my son, and each
poor child demanded change. Your first, a pig
with visage furred in black, we strung from ear
to ear and waited for your matter to
go dull. The next, a snake, was colored black
with spiraled carmine hoops; we took the skin
and burnt it, waiting for your third.
You were the third and most unfortunate, damned
to death in life. No curiosities
left me, I lost all interest in your being.'”

“‘Your simple mother went, with gauze and glass,
to catch, she said, some scrod in the close vale
that lies beyond the vine-enshrouded pass—
those dogs like spiders—blasted chunks of trees.
Before she passed, so swollen, sliced, and blanched,
she told me all she saw in that miasmal
place. Gray waters hovered, clotted, in that
bleak, wasted cut. Silverfish flew through
the mists and used their scythe-like fins to shred
and poison. She shivered and bled in my arms.'”

“‘When you were ten we sat upon the porch
of this slump-shouldered shack for weeks on end.
The fields of wheat, once golden star-touched wands,
each seeded head perfection in itself,
then turned to black spore fungus as we watched
it spread its pox until each single stalk
became a swirl of putrid verdigris
quite like an unpent sea of sporing molds.
The waves would never touch our house but sprayed
the unbound foam our way and sickened you.'”

“My eyes, blinded inward from present storms
by silver mirror drops within my skull,
can see the image of my past alone,
which was so glorious in contrast to
this life that I cannot resist the warmth
of it. The mossy calm. The rains and suns.
The thought and not the feel are all I have.
I do what I must to eat and drink.
I dream and await my patron’s memories.
I know my dream and shed my mottled skin.”

The watchman, spending time withdrawn, timeless
with clocks and punch cards, leads his dog through pipes
and cauldrons, listens as the liquids spill through
silver tanks to rusted railcars, watches
moonlight, twists a watch key in the pouched clock.
He shuffles to the wash room for a slow hour’s rest.
The man with icy sockets sits, drinks some
coffee from a thermos, strokes his mongrel,
stares through midnight rain and lightning, grabs his
knees, clasping his calves in the wrinkled palms
of his fists; his fœtal softness in an armchair,
seeing his shoulders touched by father’s hands.


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© me, 1975, previously unpublished

If I were to be remade just once

If I were to be remade just once
 And had a choice in all-time,
 I would choose ancient Greece,
 A student in the public square
 Learning from Socrates,
 Arguing with Plato and Antisthenes,
 Thinking new thoughts
 and laughing at the elders.

If I were to live and learn then,
 I would hope to scuttle beneath
 The perspicacious gaze of the gods,
 Hoping that a word, glance, or act
 Of mine avoids their languid quest
 To imbue another round of
 Helios’ sky-bound circuit
 With a flash of eternal cruelty.

If they were once nightmares…

they are now just entertainments, not scary, not anxiety-producing, just a series of puzzles presented by one part of my mind to another like ephemeral breadcrumbs that are more delicious than the unknowable dark that surrounds us.

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A Brief, Mysterious Biography

I was born in 1953 to people I don’t know and raised by people I wish I knew better. I have an academic background in literature and science and have worked in positions of increasing responsibility for over thirty years in one realm of the healthcare industry.

Biographical note: I was born in 1953 to people I don’t know and raised by people I wish I knew better. I have an academic background in literature and science and have worked in positions of increasing responsibility for over thirty years in one realm of the healthcare industry. I am interested in many areas of knowledge; literature and science (obviously), but also film, art, many types of music, various episodes in our peculiar, shared, often ignored history, political behavior (rather than politics), various religions. I wish there were more time in every day and more days in every life. I have more books than I know what to do with and keep on adding things to my wishlist that I may never get to read, but it is better to be curious than not, alive than dead.